Bitcoin Wars: If Blockchain History Were the Original Star Wars Trilogy

Episode IV - A New HopeA long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... or maybe 2008 just feels like a long time ago.

Rebel cypherpunks are under the leadership of 900-year-old Jedi Muppet Satoshi Nakamoto, who managed to create secret plans for improving the galaxy's financial infrastructure by removing the need for trusted financial intermediaries.

The plans involve THE BLOCKCHAIN, a mystical force that binds the galaxy together.

These plans exploit a tiny flaw in the Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star Lehman, an armored space station with enough centralized power to destroy an entire planet's financial system.

Although the Death Star Lehman has been destroyed, Federal Regulators have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden, favorable regulatory domiciles and pursued them across the galaxy.

Evading the dreaded Imperial Starfleet, and largely avoiding self-inflicted catastrophic off-chain governance problems, a group of droids with unlikely names like XTZ, FIL, ATOM, ZEC, ZRX and BAT have established a new secret base on the remote ice world of GitHub.

Vitalik has returned to his home planet of DeFi, a machine world entirely populated by Smart Contracts, in an attempt to rescue his friend Money "Effing" Legos from the clutches of the vile gangster Justin Sun.The centralized Galactic Empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Star Lehman.

This new battle station is known as BINANCE. This new weapon has the same thermal exhaust port vulnerability known as "Double-spending attack via off-chain fractional reserve banking" that caused the implosion of the original Death Star Lehman.

With the aid of this software and new friends, Vitalik is able to destroy the new Death Star Binance, while his teacher, Satoshi merges with the blockchain and exits his earthly form.

A new galactic order arises based on a Jedi council full of midichlorian-enriched nerds who are powerful in the ways of the blockchain.